I'm scared

to let my thoughts wander out

I'm afraid 

of what people would think of me.

even,

I'm pained

I took the matters

and eat it alive

till' 

it forced out 

every blood out from me.

all the souls in me

even, 

I'm dying

begging for life

kneeling for a soul

I'm still scared.

I'm hurting

I'm dying

but who knows

what be held for me

so 

I live my day

soulless 

lifeless

The rustling sound of leaves falling 

i keep my eyes closed

hoping the tears behind the eyelids 

would never betrayed me 

and rolled down my cheeks

it pained me up

with your unbearable words

and hurtful accusation

you said you love

but you never did

you said you would never hurt me

but you just did

after a hurtful phase 

i moved on 

with you, i left behind

i put a smile

where i smile inside

i put everything behind 

and i'm a girl with a tainted memories.

FRIEND : WORD.

words hurt,

like it would be 

and every single word that you manage to let out

that you purposely do

 to hurt people,

i congratulate you

for your worst behavior

and your worst self

but i'm sorry too,'

that i could sit and watch,

how you've become someone

that have a desire;

seeing people metaphorically die.

and your words are fast;

like a bullet and fast car,

strike deep into pure innocently dark heart,

and you get a pang of feelings that you don't like.

but

 you know that your words 

just another facade 

from people to see what behind it

from the purest white lies

and the decent eyes

that tell a story of how it began

and you also know,

that words can kill 

and be a lifesaver 

because words

save your life. 

N.H

  

NEW YEAR SPEECH.

2015,

2K15,

it didn't teach me anything,

for a year,

and i learned nothing.

i didn't know if i missed the lesson,

but what i've realized,

that i didn't learned anything.

it will be my fault,

and it will be the life's fault,

for not making it obvious.

and i know some circumstances,

under consequences,

deep down,

i learned something useful,

with or without my knowledge.

but for what i know,

i had fun this year,

even though, in the most mean time,

that i got hurt by words or action

i still have fun. 

PRETTY HURT.

life in the best way to describe is hurt. 

pretty hurt. 

you can't go through it without even a blink of sadness in life 

trust  me, i've  been in that place before. 

i hate to say this but,

you don't really live if you dont get hurt .

it's a nature thing.

deal with it.

you will go through your breaking point,

therefore you will get up stronger than you was before. 

Romeo and Juliet's

not really know what's going on.

What i know

just a simple words

"eternally love".

They just love each other.

They can't be apart.

They would be dead if they are not being together.

For my opinion,

love just now based what you see or what they appeared to be.

Love is how they treat people around them.

How the smiled for something that is not important at all.

How they want to be sightseeing just to see that beauty of the nature.

A lot of things that meant love to me.

Love not just between two young people who secretly head over heels

Love is when you feel that you are not alone when you be ignored by the whole world,

but not get ignored by one person.

Love how you laugh at the silly joke s of someone. 

Love is peacefully, no war or throwing stone.

Now

i just realize what 've getting into now, what i'm fond to be.

i'm the shell of the girl that used to know well.

i'm barely know me well,now 

i don't know what i want to do,

what i want to be,

what i like. 

and instead loving myself,

i'm far from it.

it would be a privilege for me

for what i've done

for what i want .

and how ironic my life is,

when i did something ;

neither good or bad,

it will comeback to me 

as something hurt and pain.